On Fire!

I thought to myself as I watered the plants in my room this morning, Man, this Christmas Catus is on fire!" I am simply amazed at how fast it is growing all of a sudden. Then I thought, maybe it really is on fire with the heat in the mid 80s sitting in the window where it gets direct sunlight for a good part of the day. Then I thought who cares why, it is happy and thriving and I am getting a tremendous amount of joy from tending it.

Of course, my busy mind flitted from one thing to another, inevitably back to me and what the Universe is trying to tell me through my surroundings, through the thoughts and activities I lend my attention to. I considered my overall experience here in Sparks so far, the fact that I weathered my first real winter, albeit a mild one. Winter is a time of dormancy and hibernation, a time I have never really seen in the world or given myself in my own life. Just being here with David and his calm, centered energy, allowing him to tend to my most basic needs has been such a comfort. I realized just this morning that I have not allowed myself to be taken care of in my entire adult life and while I have experienced a certain sense of despair about it, there has also been an underlying feeling that I am safe. For that I am eternally grateful. I doubt I will ever be able to put into actual words how much this time has meant to me, or how important I am seeing now that it has been for my own growth.

Spring is here in the world and in my heart and I, like the cactus, am on fire!